Desire
by urban.bisous
Summary: "You think I'm stupid James? You think I can't see past your lies? What do you take me for? An imbecile!" She kept ranting and ranting. He panicked and quickly smashed his lips onto hers. (In which a bet goes wrong.)


Desire

**1: before anything**

* * *

_Second Year_

Lily Evans doesn't remember the day she developed feelings for that Potter boy.

It all happened so quick and unexpectedly- one day she was admiring briefly how passionate he was, and the next, she was dreaming about getting a taste of James Potter and all of his passion. She thinks that's what his name means, passion.

Everything he does is so _beautiful. _It's like a light shines upon him and she's blinded every time she catches a glimpse.

Realistically, this is a petty puppy-love crush. She's young and immature (well to her standards), and really- he doesn't even know she exists. He's unaware of this petite redhead who spends her time reading in the library and hangs out with this pretty blonde named Marlene and has little to no knowledge about magic. However, she's aware of him.

The moment he steps into the room, it's as if a chill slithers down her spine and her face puffs up red. Even if she's faced towards the professor and her hand is swiftly taking notes, the moment he runs into the classroom, late and gasping for air, Lily's body instantly falters. She doesn't need to turn around to know he's there. Her pen stops moving and her ears strain to hear the lame excuse he is providing to the professor.

In her eyes, he has so many flaws.

He's a bully. There's never a moment where he doesn't harass his classmates- especially Sev. Godric, does he have it out for Sev. He walks around the school like he owns the place. He flaunts and brags and ridicules and argues and does everything and anything a teenage boy would. He's stubborn and aggressive and doesn't know when to shut his mouth. He's James Potter, and he won't let anyone forget that.

But he's also courageous and kind and loyal and righteous and passionate.

(This is all she gathers from observing him. Lily imagines what it'd be like if she knew him on a personal level.)

Lily thinks it's strange how his flaws make him look beautiful, in her eyes.

...

"Lily..Lily...Lils!" Marlene calls to her friend, waving her manicured hand in front of the redhead. Lily snaps out of her trance, eyebrows perched in a confused manner. "Wha- What? Sorry, did you say something, Marls?"

"You're staring again." Marlene states plainly, taking a stab at her french toast. She gives a knowing look to Lily, who's face heats up in embarrassment at getting caught.

Lily pulls at the ends of her red locks and looks down at her plate, humiliated. "I can't help it, he's too beautiful."

"Then go ask him out!" Marlene says easily. She doesn't understand why Lily's putting herself in this situation. For goodness sake, if you like a boy, you go tell him- and if he doesn't like you, well...there's always more boys to look forward too. And it's not like confessing to James Potter is a rare feat, loads of girls did it. "Trust me Lil, it'll feel way better after you do.

"If he likes you," she continues "or is remotely interested in you, he'll ask you to Hogsmeade. And if he doesn't, he'll just tell you and you can move on."

They've had this conversation before. Though it was tiring, Marlene still pushed to play the supporting best-friend role for Lily, even if that meant sitting through numerous amounts of sigh-fests filled with indecisiveness.

"Marlene how did you do it?" Lily asked, referring to Marlene's brief crush on Remus and how she had managed to confess to the tall boy. "Didn't you feel scared?"

"Of course I felt scared, you nutter! Who wouldn't?" The blonde answered, her eyes finding their way to the Marauder's table. "I felt awkward and dorky in front of him. And my palms were clammy and I couldn't stop stuttering. It was a total disaster... But he was very kind about it. He just gave me a polite thank you and told me he didn't think of me like that. It played out rather well, if I do say so myself."

Lily only grew more nervous at the brief reminisce. "But- but, I feel that way now! Even when I'm sitting so far away from him and I don't even talk to him!"

At that, Marlene pulled Lily into a hug. "Oh, Lily! You're first crush is affecting you so much, how cute!"

Lily pushed her friend off, and tried to pat down her hair. Oh God, liking someone is so complicated. She never realized how much of a drag this is. "Not cute, not cute. More like pathetic. And depressing."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic." Marlene scolded "You need to grow some balls and ask him out! Or at least find out if he likes anyone!"

"O-Okay, I'll t-try."

...

She spent the rest of her second year trying to talk to him. It was embarrassing, to say the least.

In charms, she sat by Remus and made idle chatter with him to scope out any information. In herbology, she paired up with Peter so that they could walk to lunch together. In arithmecy, she and Marlene sat closer to Sirius and James, in hopes of conversing with her crush. She often managed to drop her quill once every week, praying quietly to herself that James would pick it up for her. No such luck seeing as chivalrous Sirius always pulled a quick one and picked it up.

There was three weeks left till break and Lily felt drained. She couldn't handle this anymore- this liking boy stuff and trying to get his attention. It just wasn't worth it.

It was darker than usual when she crawled out the library, seeing as the library closed later on Saturdays. She had managed to fall asleep and already it was passed curfew. She left the library with a heavy heart seeing as the librarian deducted a good twenty points from Gryffindor.

She just wanted to climb in bed and spend the next day sleeping. Her warm bed with the windows opened, letting the bree-

"Oofmph!" Lily yelped as she collided into something. She felt the wind knock out of her and the feeling of falling onto the ground. As expected, her ass met the dirty floor in less than a second. Ugh, this is not her night.

"Are you okay?" A voice called out to her, sounding strangely like James Potter. Lily looked up, and of course- it was James Potter. Great.

A blush formed instantly on her face and Lily thanked her lucky stars it was dark. "Y-Yeah," she stuttered, standing up.

"Lemme help you there." He whispered, grabbing onto her small hand and pulling her up in a flash. For a lanky boy, he sure was strong.

"Thanks, Potter." Her voice sounds airy and hopefully, James blames the fall for her sound.

They stand there for a minute- Lily dusting off her clothes while James stares at the petite girl in front of him, making sure she is alright. "So uh," she begans "what ar-

"Does Mckinnon have a boyfriend?" He interrupts her midway and Lily freezes at the question. Of all things he could ask her... of course, it had to relate back to her best friend. All that time pining after him, he was secretly after Marlene- how did she not see this one coming?

She forces her head to shake no, until she realizes it's dark and he can't see her very well. "N-No.."

They're silent again and it feels like hours have passed. Once again, she can feel him- feel his heat, hear his intakes of breath, feel the cold wind woosh around them. Please, just say something, she thinks nervously. She wants to confess but obviously that plan has

There's so much _she_ wants to say and she forces herself not to say a word. Hurt and dissappointment might be evident in her voice so she stays mute.

"W-Why?" It looks like she was unsuccessful. Damn.

He opens his mouth to answer but another voice interrupts their conversation.

"Jamesie? Babe, is the coast clear?" An airy whisper calls out. It's not like Lily's breathlessness but rather one that was obviously high on drugs.

Another stab of hurt attacks her heart as she realizes she's stumbled upon a hookup. Great. James Potter was hooking up with girls and probably wanted to hook up with her best friend. Great.

"S-Sorry," she didn't know why she was apologizing. "I gotta go."

And with that, she turned around and sprinted away from the boy who held her affections unknowingly. She didn't sneak a glance to see if he'd make move towards her- why would he? She was just some girl. It was never going to happen anyways.

And just like that, Lily experienced her first heartbreak from her first crush, James Potter.

* * *

Hope you'll stick around for more.


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